“Sometimes surrender means giving up trying to understand and becoming comfortable with not knowing.” – Ekhart Tolle
In yoga today, we had a great conversation about surrender. I am no stranger to the idea and yet, it was an “ah-ha” moment for me, that in this current moment of my life, I need to again surrender.
Surrendering can be so incredibly scary. We have to let go of control, release our grip and allow things to unfold before us. What are you afraid to let go of right now? This is most likely the area in your life where you need to surrender.
I used to be a control-freak, or in reality, I probably still am. It is a learning process, day-by-day. I wore my desperate need for control as my badge of honor. Yes, while being a control freak can help in certain aspects of life, particularly in business, often it causes more harm than good.
How many people can you control? How many have you tried to control? Any successes yet? If you’re being honest, that would be a no.
Control isn’t real. We all have a desire for control. Many of us have an innate need to believe we are in control. Based on our evolution and survival strategies, it is engrained in us to figure out how to ‘control’ our situations. But at the end of the day, we ultimately don’t have control. Control is simply an illusion.
I love this analogy for control with water. If you create an open hand you provide space for water and you can hold it. The second you try to close your hand or grip the water tightly it seeps through your fingers. This is similar to the people and things in our life. If we hold space, keep our hands open we allow what is meant to be to be. If we tightly squeeze or grip onto the things we fear losing, we may push it/them away. Does that make sense?
A big test for me, when it came to surrendering, was during COVID. I am a planner, a fixer and a doer. I felt that if I created a plan, it would all work out. When we were told it would be a two-week lock down for us to get this virus under control, I thought, “Okay, we can do this.” And then it changed. And what should have been two weeks turned into months. During the year when I normally would have flown across the country to meet up with friends multiple times, I was grounded. And of course, any time I planned the way ‘life’ would go, it shifted. I am not sharing anything you didn’t already know, you experienced it too. But what I did learn during that time was the less I pushed and fought back against the rules and restrictions, the easier it became. The easier it was to breathe. I had to surrender because I could feel the tension and the frustration when even my best laid plans didn’t work out.
The beautiful blessing in the surrender is the way life turns out when we let go of the reigns. The year during COVID created so many incredible opportunities in my life. It also allowed me the space to self-reflect, once again identify what was most important in my life, and allow for greater gratitude for all that I do have.
Can you recall a time when you needed to surrender? How did it feel when you finally did? What transformation occurred because of it?
It is in the moments when we stop pushing against, stop resisting the transformation that is occurring, that we find clarity. Surrender comes when we fina
lly realize that no matter how hard we try, we cannot fix it or find a solution in the current mess. Surrender may come when our entire world has been flipped upside down or in smaller moments of life when we realize the decision is out of our control.
When we let go, we relinquish the need for the ‘how’. We are less concerned about the end result and how we will get there and focused on the deep knowing that no matter what, it is going to work out.
I challenge you to do a self-assessment. Are you holding on tightly to something in your life? Are you afraid of losing something or someone? Journal about your beliefs around this need for control, your fears and what may happen if you held space.
If you are willing to share what comes up for you, email me at [email protected]. If you want support in this area of your life, I am taking on a few additional coaching clients this month. Send me an email or a DM on Instagram (@rise_with_kristina) to set up a free coaching call to get you started.
As always, sending light and Love,
Kristina