I don’t pretend to have this one all figured out. In fact, this is an area I continue to work through and often find myself needing to revisit.
I used to cringe at the word “worthy”. When I heard people say ‘you are worthy’ or ‘you are deserving’ it made me think of entitlement. If there is a quality that I have little respect for in others it is entitlement. I am not entitled to anything. I didn’t feel worthy of anything. Who was I to say I was worthy of or deserving of a job, a raise, a lifestyle, abundance? That wasn’t sitting right with me.
Many teachings out there say that we are worthy simply because we exist, that it is our innate human nature to be deserving just because we were put on this earth. I struggle with that idea, though. When I start to say I am worthy of something, I automatically begin to assume that someone in return is less worthy. However, what if we could say we are all worthy of our deepest needs and desires simply because of who we are, and that there is plenty to go around? To me, that sounds great in theory and yet it is an entirely different thing to feel it and accept it.
I am pretty sure I am not alone here. ‘Teachers’ would likely say that these beliefs of comparison are due to societal pressures, our upbringing and/or a patriarchal world we live in. During my research, I came across the self-worth theory which places our self-worth and self-acceptance on our achievements, particularly those in which we compete against others. Therefore, it makes sense that this idea of comparison and competition in exchange for self-worth would expand to other areas of our lives (e.g., body image, relationships, career, financial status, parenting, etc.).
Often, we tie our worth to our job or our relationship. The problem is, if we lose that which we feel defines us and makes us worthy, we completely lose our sense of self and our sense of worthiness. It is critical to build self-worth within and not rely on others’ praise or on your own achievements to believe that you are a person worthy of love, respect, kindness, and happiness.
At the end of the day, what has helped me shift from a feeling of ickiness the idea of self-worth is changing the language from worthy to valuable. At the end of the day, I may not know that I am deserving or worthy of everything, but I do know that I am a person of value and therefore I deserve to be valued. We are all valuable human beings who deserve love and respect, no matter what.
I’ll leave you with this quote from Dr. Christina Hibbert. She says, “Self-worth is recognizing ‘I am greater than all of those things.’ It is a deep knowing that I am of value, that I am loveable, necessary to this life, and of incomprehensible worth.”
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