Self-discovery can be hard. Looking at who we are and what we want in life can be difficult because the times we are forced to go inward are often the moments of struggle and despair. In those moments of curiosity (think, “how did I get it here” or “how did I let this happen to me”) that the journey towards self-discovery beings. For me, as a teenager, I began my ‘me-search’ (or the research to discover myself) because I believed I was flawed and I wanted to fix myself. I believed that maybe I could fix myself to the point that I would be loved or accepted. This process of discovery sent me down a rabbit hole that has lasted for more than 20 years. Now don’t get me wrong, I wholeheartedly believe in self-discovery and self-awareness but not in the pursuit of fixing yourself. Because you are not broken and neither was I.
We are here to learn, explore, discover and evolve. We are here to create purpose and meaning. But we need to know who we are and identify our gifts in order to make the most of that. This is the time to question everything. Ask yourself if you are living a life that you want to pursue or are you following the plans or expectations of someone else?
My second deep dive into my ‘me-search’ followed hitting another rock bottom. My divorce was probably one of the greatest blessings of my life because I was able to take time and this opportunity to explore who I was and who I wanted to be. I was able to take the time to play with things and figure out what I truly liked, what lights me up, and what fulfills me.
It also gave me the chance to look at what I may have been doing before because others told me that that’s how I should be or that’s what I needed to do in order to be liked or accepted. We all want to feel like we are part of a community, like we belong. And many of us are so desperate for acceptance that we turn to people-pleasing behaviors even if they don’t align with our own authenticity.
Hitting rock bottom and getting broken open was probably one of the greatest blessings that I could have experienced in life. And yet you do not need to reach that level of pain or darkness in order to begin the journey to discovering your most authentic self. Find ways in your current relationships, or your current way of living, to take time to do the work. Whether it is 10 minutes a day to meditate, an hour one night a week to pursue a new hobby or a Sunday out with friends, practice getting curious about who you are at your core.
For me it was a journey to discovering how much I love to be around others, I love to act as a connector and a mentor, I love to dance and I love to challenge my body. I have a passion for nature, and even more so a passion for solo hikes. I discovered that I love being around people and equally love my time alone.
If you haven’t had the opportunity to dive into this process of self-discovery, I highly encourage you to take the time. The more you learn about yourself, the more you can contribute to those around you in the most meaningful and positive way.
Who are you at your core? Does what you say align with your actions? Are your actions congruent with your values? If you haven’t had a chance to sit down and think about these responses, I encourage you to do so. You may open a door to a world (yourself) that you never knew.